Just Hold On…such simple words. Â But what power rests within them when they are connected to each other.
Holding on implies so much. Â Wait a sec. Â I’ll be right there. Â I’m working on something else right now, but you are important and I’ll be right back to you.
Don’t. Let. Go.
How many times have I wanted to just give up and let go in the last few months? Â How many times have I felt like God has completely turned his back on me? Â How many times haveÂ I felt the rope slip through my fingers with only bare threads keeping me from dropping into the abyss below?
Every day I wake up and think, “today is the day God is going to grab hold of me and pull me back up to the top and everything will be better than before.”
Then I get out of bed.
And as the blood starts flowing through my body, so does every negative thought and emotion. Â Â With every beat of my heart, I hear the words “sinner,” “rejected,” “undesirable,” “hopeless,” “worthless,” and “loser” whispered in my ears. Â It seems utterly impossible to put one foot in front of the other, walk out the door, get in the car and drive to work. Â I am the proverbial rodent in the spinning wheel, constantly moving and never getting anywhere.
Some days, I actually do feel hopeful, light hearted and positive, while thoughts like “soon,” “faithful,” “beautiful,” “desirable,” and “plans” pound through my veins in place of negativity. Â I let myself believe for one moment, I let myself grasp the hope of better times, and I think, “God, I know you’ve got this!”
And just when I start honestly believing I am healing and growing, inevitably, something sneaks up behind and knocks my legs out from under me and I tumble once again back down to the bottom of the rope.
I’m so weary. Â I’m so tired. Â My arms have stretched out of their sockets so many times from climbing up and then grasping with all my might after falling, AGAIN.
And still, I hear this: Â “Just hold on. God knows what He is doing.”
I hope so, because my heart is so broken, there aren’t many pieces left to pick up.
I need you, God. Â I need your direction. Â I covet your peace that passes all understanding. Â I am desperate for relief from the pain and sorrow that has hounded me for so long. Â I can’t hold on without you anymore!
Just hold on….Don’t let go.