07.25.07
Posted in Me at 6:32 pm by Administrator
If you do not know this song by Michael McDonald, I strongly recommend you go to itunes right now and download it. It is haunting melody with poignant words. I first heard it back in the early 1990s as the closing to the final episode of the series “China Beach.” The words struck me then, and they have never let go.
Recently, after my extended visit to Florida this summer, I came home and felt different. I was in a new place. This was “No Man’s Land.” I had let go of my past (all things Florida), mostly, but I had not yet embraced all things new (Indiana). I was faced with the options of jumping feet first into a new life here and getting involved and making new friends.
But I am scared.
I went to my therapist and told her, “I want to make new friends, but I’m terrified.” She said, “Well, of course you are afraid. As long as you hold on to your memories from Florida, you are safe and you won’t be hurt by opening yourself up to new memories. If you never make new friends, you won’t ever have to go through all the pain of saying goodbye again. It’s a way of holding onto the past and not moving into the future, or, even, living in the present.”
I looked at her and thought, “Uh-oh. She’s onto me.”
I mulled her words over for a couple days. Tonight, I sat down at my computer and this song, which I soon realized had been subtly running through my mind for most of the afternoon, popped to the forefront of my consciousness.
(Michael McDonald)
It was so right, it was so wrong
Almost at the same time
The pain and ache a heart can take
No one really knows
When the memories cling and keep you there
Till you no longer care
And you can let go now
It’s wrong for me to cling to you
Somehow I just needed time
From what was to be-it’s not like me
To hold somebody down
But I was tossed high by love
I almost never came down
Only to land here
Where love’s no longer found
Where I’m no longer bound
And I can let go now
I think, at last, I can start letting go. And while it’s terrifying, and a horrifyingly lonely prospect, I know it will not last forever.
Letting go is so hard to do, even when the very thing you are holding onto hurts like the dickens.
(I Can Let Go Now from the album “If That’s What It Takes” by Michael McDonald)
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Posted in Reflections on Life in General at 6:20 am by Administrator
…well, actually, writing. Thank you, Jo Rowling for your inspiring perseverance through seventeen years, for your continuing on with the story when everything seemed in the pits, and for finishing the story so satisfactorily.
Thank you also, to dear friends who blog and continue to blog. It makes me ashamed that I have left something I love so passionately alone for so long.
Don’t expect waterfalls of blogs or novels churned out at alarming rates. Just know that, at long last, the urge to write is rearing its lovely head again and I hope, hope, hope, to test the waters soon and see how I respond.
Who knows what the future may hold: writing…dancing…new friends…it’s sort of exciting just waiting to see how it all plays out.
Stay tuned!
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07.21.07
Posted in Reflections on Life in General at 8:37 pm by Administrator
Well, folks, it’s finally, really over. I feel drained, spent and horribly sad, like I’ve just said goodbye to some of my dearest friends. Thank goodness I’ll be able to pick up the books whenever I want and return to them when the urge hits.
In the meantime, I managed to read the book, cover to cover, in about 12 hours. I barely came up for air. But I’m so glad I did. Now I’m just waiting for my friends and family to finish so I can discuss and relish every last minute detail with them.
In the meantime, I stare at my bookshelves, thinking, “what in the world can I read now?” for nothing can really follow in the footsteps of Harry and J.K. Rowling.
It is, indeed finished.
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07.07.07
Posted in Reflections on Life in General at 9:48 pm by Administrator
After 3 weeks of vacation, traveling from Indiana to Florida and back again, we finally returned home tonight to revel in the wonder that is being home. And considering that I was with my family and closest friends for all three weeks, being glad to be home again is a big deal.
The three weeks included stops in Lexington, Kentucky; Pigeon Forge, Tennessee; Brooksville, Orlando, Key Biscayne, and St. Augustine, Florida; and on the return trip, an uneventful stay in a hotel in Hendersonville, North Carolina.
We shopped, we played, we visited friends and family, we swam in the St. John’s River, we swam in the Atlantic Ocean, we swam in pools. We played outside and inside. We watched fireworks and reconnected with family members we had not seen in too long. We also relaxed, slept and I recovered from a horrific cold which happened to hit me on my way down to Florida. I am almost completely recovered, three long weeks later.
But, alas, the time came to head home, and in spite of our good times and some dread at saying good-bye, it was, indeed time to load up the car.
And load our car we did! The poor thing was loaded to the brim, and then some, for our return trip. With Astro crouched in back, fighting off suddenly falling pillows and other detritus from our trip if I made too sharp turns, the kids going slowly stir-crazy, and listening to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on CD, the trip seemed to take forever. But, at last, we arrived Back Home Again…In Indiana. (Are you singing along with me?)
After avoiding my blog for these many long months (for reasons I choose not go into just yet), I felt I should at least include you, my faithful readers (those few of you still checking out my blog) in my rejoicing at a wonderful, safe and blessed vacation.
Now, it’s back to the grindstone, as Molly begins summer school on Monday and we settle in for the last full month of our summer vacation.
“The children were nestled, all snug in their beds…
While Papa & I…had just settled down for a long SUMMER’s nap!”
Happy Summer to all and to all a Good Night!
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