Mourning

No one ever wants to hear bad news.  Ever.  In fact, I believe some people (I would be one of them) live their lives with great precision just to avoid hearing bad news.  Not always, though, are they (me) successful.

Today I learned sad news about a friend’s marriage.  It ripped out my gut.  My heart is aching and tears threaten.  And that’s just what I’m going through.  What about her?

I sit here, pondering my own marriage.  Is my relationship strong?  Do my husband & I talk enough?  Do we talk enough about the right things?  What’s out there right now between us that doesn’t have a name yet, or that we maybe are not even aware of?  It unsettles me. 

I question everything.  I look at him differently.  I wonder, “is there something he’s not telling me?”

I hate bad news. 

I mourn for my friend.  For her, life will never, ever be the same.  Fifteen year old memories of my sister’s similar experience are now shockingly new and fresh.  The person my sister is today most assuredly is not the person she would have been had her marriage remained in tact.  For my sister, rebirth came through fire.  The ashes smoldered for years, and even now, all these years later, occasionally flare up and make life miserable again for a while.  I see my friend standing at the precipice to that rebirth, and I mourn for her.

Instead of questioning my marriage, I am going to run to my husband and lock my arms around his slightly pudgy waist, all the while telling him how much I adore him. 

And then I will pray, and mourn some more, for my friend.

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Divorced. Mom. Friend. Writer. That's who I am.
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