Today I sent my youngest, my son TJ, off to Kindergarten.
I kept a weak hold on my tears and emotions, only breaking down once. I was quite proud, considering my new heightened state of emotional unambiguity (see my post “Not So Happy Pills” at http://www.lynettesnell.com/?p=3).
It’s quite difficult to express the emotions a mother feels as she watches her child go off to school. All the usual ones sprint through the heart and mind: Sorrow at them growing up, watching your child (& you) begin a new era of life as an old one passes away, looking toward the future and knowing there is no going back.
But today, one of my friends was standing nearby (his name is Chuck Berry and his daughter Annabeth is in Molly’s class) and as we all waved to our little ones heading off into “the world” without us, he said, “Yeah, you can almost see them wearing that graduation cap & gown, can’t you?” Did I need to hear that today? I quickly informed him that I did not, in fact, need to think about an event which would hold it’s own very real emotional turmoil. One turmoil at a time, please.
But it started me thinking: graduation is truly only a bit more than twelve years away. And since I have just hurtled through half that amount and am now sending my 6-year-old to school, I am inclined to think that Graduation will be here before I know it. Especially for my daughter who is already one year closer.
I guess it’s a feeling of powerlessness. I cannot stop the kids from growing up. I cannot slow them down. I cannot hurry them along, either (which, depending on the day of the week, I might want to do). But regardless, this is a major turning point in both my life and that of my son.
As I said, there is no easy way to describe this experience, at least not for my limited expressive abilities. Either way, it’s an emotional day and while I do not want my kids to be home all day (I need some alone time too!), I am sadden by yet another reminder that their toddler years are truly and completely over.
Graduation is next.