Isn’t it weird that just a few days ago I posted that tribute to my other dog Fenway? Now, today I am staring Astro’s imminent mortality in the face.
All weekend long he was lethargic and mopey. Not at all Astro-like. So today I took him to the Vet. They did an ultrasound and found a massive tumor attached to his spleen. They suggested emergency surgery at a 24 hour clinic but I opted to wait until tomorrow to have his surgery. IF he survives the night, and IF he survives the surgery, they will send the tumor to pathology to determine what it is.
He could live for a few hours, days, weeks, months, or live to bury me. But then again…couldn’t that happen to any of us?
I know, I know. He’s just a dog. I hear it. I understand it. But unless you are a true animal lover, you cannot possibly appreciate the sorrow that is coursing through my blood right now. It’s nothing to what I feel when I learn of news about my husband. That is ten million times greater. But it does not lessen my grief for my dog anymore. In fact, I think my grief is more so because I know he’s just a dog. I can feel free to let lose and sob like a big ole girl. Wait…I am a girl. Anyway, I don’t have to “pull myself together” and “try to move on” and “be strong for my kids” when my dog goes. I can just let go and fully embrace my grief.
It’s not often one gets that beautiful, melancholy gift.